Welcome to MOM’s School for Children with Wayward Fingers
Welcome to our school! Have you been here before? Hope not!
No, not those kinds of birds! This kind (sensitive viewers are urged to scroll quickly past):
Birds that cause children to be suspended from their regular school for one day. Those birds.
When this emergency situation occurs, the school is open for business. All inmates…er…students of the school are required to put on their usual school uniform at the usual time, they do not get to lie in bed. They are required to ride the bus…er…van as usual. After the warden…er…MOM (Mistress of Miscreants) drops off the children that do NOT have wayward fingers, the MOM and the students WITH wayward fingers return to the school to begin their day.
At MOM's School for Children with Wayward Fingers, we believe in closely replicating the school day as possible. All school work that is sent home will be performed sitting on a hard chair at the kitchen table, to get that good ole school atmosphere going. Incorrect answers are not encouraged and all homework WILL be gone over by a certified MOM. All incorrect answers are erased and gentle guidance is provided for learning how to answer correctly.
We are not too strict at MSCWF. We believe in allowing a few breaks during the day, all accomplished in the child's room, with no television or internet allowed. Lunch takes place at the same time, with recess accomplished in the room environment. If homework consists of coloring posters, this work may be accomplished with the aid of music played through personal electronic devices.
If the child finishes all the homework sent home for that day, then the MOM has a choice. If she feels the student understood the homework well, the student will return to the room environment for the rest of the school day, there to pass the time as best they can, with bathroom breaks, of course. Otherwise, the MOM has complete authority to download additional free worksheets from reliable online sources.
A good attitude is a must for the student of MSCWF, because the period of time spent in the room environment may be extended as the MOM feels necessary. Softball games, practices and such like activities are a privilege, not a right, these privileges may be lost if the attitude is not good. A good attitude will gain the child the privilege of playing their portable electronic gaming device during breaks, as long as the games played are educational in nature.
Our MOM's are carefully selected to provide the very best environment for Children with Wayward FIngers. They are also trained in the following areas:
- Listening to corny jokes without groaning too loudly and attempting to laugh as best she can…we do understand that this is not always possible.
- Answering seemingly random questions with patience and gently redirecting attention to the work at hand.
- Refraining from stamping or other distracting activities until the child is safely in the room environment.
- Refraining from television watching unless the child is safely in the room environment.
- Refraining from shopping or other enriching (or impoverishing as the case may be) activities while school is in session.
- Providing hugs.
While MOM's School for Children with Wayward Fingers is an equal opportunity educator, by examining our statistics we have found that the greater majority of children requiring our services are male. Why, we do not know.
If you are interested in starting up your very own MSCWF location, we have franchise opportunities available! Call 1-800-NO-BIRDS from 9 AM to 2 PM EST or email us at BirdsRNotUs@youhavetobekidding.com.